


Flashback

by OikurooMiyuki



Series: Sunshine Park Academy [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Anxiety Disorder, Flashbacks, Loss of Limbs, M/M, Military, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Therapy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-21 19:27:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7400848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OikurooMiyuki/pseuds/OikurooMiyuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tanaka Ryuunosuke, a man dealing with the consequences of belonging to the army. Injured and being left at home, unable to return to what had meant his whole life... The hardships of therapy, the remains of his being, his fear of socializing and the uncertainty of whether he would be liked by who he has become after his terrible accident haunt him through his days and nights. <br/>But maybe meeting someone new, maybe meeting someone like Ennoshita Chikara can change his entire view on the world. For a man obsessed with words, maybe he is about to learn about new ways to describe how deeply his reality will shift. </p><p>----</p><p>Alternative Universe where you'll find Elementary School teachers, yakuzas, celebrities, and many more!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Zenosyne

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my goodness!!!~ 
> 
> So yes, finishing Glassed View was quite heartbreaking, but hey! New fic! And this one is... Quite different as I'm sure you can appreciate. Not a character who works at the Academy, but his involvement with the rest of timelines in the series is more than evident! 
> 
> As always, I truly hope you enjoy this work of mine, I hope you all love every chapter and every plot twist I have been dying to elaborate since I started this series because oh goodness is this exciting! 
> 
> Anyways, don't worry for those who are reading the rest of series, I will post Types of Ink's next chapter this Thursday and The Odd Mix this Saturday, pinky promise!! thanks for the patience as well! 
> 
> Song; Sia - Elastic Heart feat. Shia LaBeouf & Maddie Ziegler
> 
> http://sunshineparkacademy.tumblr.com/  
> http://ahominebaka.tumblr.com/

Zenosyne.

A terrible word; one that ties down the mere existence of humanity. Summarizes the life of billions of people into a single sound, leaving it trailing down with a final breath before you stop at the last ‘e’… Wondering… Questioning… And then answering your own questions with the same solitude and sadness you felt before even experiencing your first breath.

Zenosyne summarizes us all. The lack of time to see the world, the lack of time to live it all… And yet the right amount, just enough to give us the false impression that we are, in fact, living.

_Zenosyne…It’s the feeling of time going by too fast… The feeling of having your life flashing before your eyes… The truth behind our lack of relevance to this world._

“Tanaka?” A soft voice lost in the distance, an echo that brings back to reality what doesn’t wish to focus on the truth, but to remain in the dissipating imagination of a lost man, “Tanaka, what are you thinking about?” Her voice continued, pulling him closer from the lost void his own mind meant to him.

He blinked a few times, his hands folded between his knees, his black jeans contrasting against the white leather couch he sat on. He looked around; he observed the white walls, the paintings on them detailing the tiny sailboats across a deep and lonely blue ocean, the large bookshelves containing all kinds of books on psychiatry, psychology, natural therapy…

“Tanaka? Are you listening?” His therapist asked again, Misaki Hana was sitting across from him, their positions divided by the red patterned carpet, her position relaxed but professional, her clothes direct yet silent, her hair neatly organized and her makeup perfect, just like the rest of her entire being…

Once more, he blinked. Swallowing his thoughts to his own, and clearing his throat, “I am…” He mumbled, “I am listening.”

She nodded slowly, “How are you feeling today? How have you been feeling since our last session?”

Two questions. How are you? How have you been? Another summary for time, another way to describe in a few short words the interest of another’s well being… And he would have to reply in the same brevity, not too much detail or she would think there was something wrong, not too dry or she would also think there was something wrong…

He nodded, “I’ve been good…” He sighed, “I… Got invited to a party.” He had initially opted to not tell her about the invitation; he knew she would ask him to attend said social gathering… But on the spur of the moment, it was the first thing he thought of saying to divert her attention.

She widened her eyes, “Oh! That’s great, don’t you think? Who invited you?”

He looked down, his fingers picking on a lost thread from his jeans, “My friends from Sunshine Park Academy…” He shook his head, “But I don’t think I should go…”

She hesitated, silence filling the empty void of their presence in the room for only just enough seconds to make it feel awkward, “Why not?” She asked as she wrote down on her clipboard.

He hated that. He hated the sound of her scribbles, the rusty noise of the tip of the pen against the hard surface. He would never understand why she refused to put more paper underneath, cushioning the writing, muffling the sound… It drove him insane, but he remained silent about it. Instead, he shrugged, “I didn’t go to Daichi’s wedding… I don’t think he’s happy with me…”

She watched him, squinting her eyes and tilting her head, “You feel guilty for not attending his wedding?”

Tanaka shrugged, his leg bobbing up and down nervously at the same time as his fingers continued to pick on the thread, “I guess.”

She sighed, “Tanaka, you’re avoiding again… Talk to me, this is your safe space…” Her soothing voice wasn’t soothing at all; it was uncomfortable, unusual for a man who had spent years and years in a military facility.

He looked away, unsure of what to reply but after taking a deep breath he finally spoke the truth, “I don’t think he likes me anymore…”

She frowned, “Why do you think that?” She asked, her fingers gripping on the pen, drifting through the paper, writing more crap Tanaka couldn’t stop thinking about.

“I… I don’t know, I don’t like myself, why would people like me?” He asked with a hint of annoyance lost in his voice.

“Why don’t you like yourself?” She asked, staring back into his eyes… Knowing what the answer was going to be.

He looked down at his lap, one hand caressing his left knee, his fingertips slowly pressing against the bones, massaging the pain he could feel electrocuting every nerve up to his thigh, “You know why…” He mumbled.

 

\------

 

“Don’t you ever feel bad about it?” Yamamoto laughed, his curly and badly dyed blond hair almost covering his eyes, his voice loud so it could be heard over the humming of the road.

Tanaka groaned, sitting across from him on the back of a military truck, “Feel bad about what?”

Yamamoto shrugged and laughed again, “You know, about lying to them?”

He thought about it, hesitating to reply and slowly shrugging, “I don’t know, it’s part of the job so I’m not really questioning it…”

“He’s right.” A third man replied. He sat next to Tanaka, his appearance thick and tall and his face serious and focused, “If you feel bad about lying to your loved ones, then you shouldn’t have come here at all.”

Yamamoto shook his head, “I don’t feel bad, Kai… It’s just weird.” He shrugged, “We tell them we work in offices and we only travel for stupid training demonstrations… And the truth is the complete opposite.” He chuckled, “I mean we are the worst branch of the Special Forces Group… We take all the shit everyone refuses to and then we have to pretend we are just doing paperwork? You gotta admit it’s pretty weird…”

They sat with their uniforms thick and heavy around their bodies, the road bumpy and uncomfortable, and the many men around them almost asleep after the exhausting three days of constant missions and traveling.

Tanaka sighed, “Well, I don’t feel bad, I’d rather have my friends and family believe I’m dying of boredom at a stupid cubicle instead of wondering how soon I’ll have my brains blown out” He chuckled.

Kai shook his head, his fingers toying with a sharp knife that caressed the edge of his thick gloves, “Why did you sign up anyways?” He asked distractedly, but his smirk showed he was paying enough attention to listen to the answer.

Yamamoto sighed, “Honestly? The pay is considerably the best you’ll find in the entirety of the army.”

Tanaka laughed loudly, “Well no shit, we are the most probable ones to die so it’s not like they care about giving us a higher pay.”

Yamamoto laughed with him, but Kai remained silent, shaking his head with a sly smirk, “What about you, Tanaka?” He asked.

Tanaka shrugged, “I don’t know... I don't know how to lead a normal life. It was never in me to spend more than 3 days without getting shot at.” He laughed, “That whole idea of waking up, getting to work, falling in love, getting married, and settling down…” He shook his head, “Nah, man… I’m not cut out for that shit.”

“A man made for living on the edge, huh?” Kai asked looking up at him.

Tanaka chuckled, “More like a man made to not give a shit about life.”

The three laughed, knowing they didn’t have to ask Kai his reason behind his enlistment to the SFGp. He was Kai Nobuyuki, a real celebrity among any soldier in the base. His lineage had been part of the classified branch of the Japanese Army since there had been a classified branch at all, and having Kai joining the first counter-terrorism force was no surprise to those who recognized the last name…

“Besides,” Tanaka continued, “It’s not like I have anyone really waiting for me at home.”

Yamamoto snorted, “Are you kidding? What about that babe of your sister?”

Trying to hide the laughter, Tanaka kicked him before shaking his head, “You know what I mean…”

Yamamoto nodded, rubbing his leg where he had been kicked and taking a deep breath, “I know… You think we’ll ever find someone that will make us want to leave the army?”

Tanaka laughed loudly before shaking his head, “If I ever leave the army it will be in bad blood dude, I ain’t opting out… I’ll leave in a bag.”

His friend nodded and laughed, “Yeah, I can see that.” He replied in a joke before quickly dodging one more kick from Tanaka, “What about you, Kai?”

The man turned to them and shook their head, “You know I can’t. The Kai Curse is terrifying enough for me to even focus on flirting with anyone” He chuckled lightly.

“The Kai Curse?” Yamamoto asked in confusion.

Tanaka sighed, leaning his body against the soft walls made of a plastic fabric, “You don’t know about the Kai Curse?” 

He watched his friend shake his head but just as he was about to begin the explanation, the truck stopped, hitting the breaks so harshly, most of the asleep soldiers fell to their side, “What the…”

Muffled voices from fellow soldiers could be heard from the distance, the exhausted feeling inside Tanaka slowly changed into an alert state, his body switching on to the tension and his eyes examining every corner of his visual range.

“I’ll go see what’s going on,” Kai said as he climbed off the truck, leaving Tanaka and Yamamoto to stare at each other, their hands gripping their weapons tightly and their fingers tapping the side of them, hoping to not have to go through the trigger hole.

After long minutes, Kai reemerged from the back of the truck, his eyes annoyed and his face tense and serious, “Bad news, boys… We have one more mission before we can wrap this up.”

Everyone in the truck groaned; some complained and others hit the benches where they sat.

Kai sighed, “Well the good news is we don’t need everyone, only four people will be enough… Any volunteers?”

Without missing a beat, Tanaka stood up, knowing Kai had already been looking at him, expectant of his reply to the offer. He climbed off the truck and took a deep breath as he adjusted his uniform around his body, every pocket containing some kind of weapon, and his heartbeat fastening with the mixture of emotions.

“Are you sure?” Kai asked him while the others talked loudly, arguing who would volunteer next.

Tanaka gave the truck his back and watched the horizon, the orange desert, cloudier than usual with the waves of sand pushed by the rowdy wind through the endless land, “Well… I have a bad feeling about this… So I better be one of the ones going into this.”

Kai watched him, looking back at the landscape every once in a while, “You also think this last minute reckon mission is a horrible idea?” He asked in a low voice.

Tanaka nodded, “You’re damn right it is…” He chuckled, “We can only hope if we go out we go out fast and painless.” He patted his friend on the shoulder before walking away and letting the rest of soldiers decide.

Minutes later, Yamamoto and one more soldier had taken the role to volunteer on behalf of everyone else. They had heard the explanation of the issue and the reason for their mission; a stupid shimmer of light in the distance. 

They just had to approach the source, identify the object reflecting the light, and report. 

Walking in silence, they stepped away from the convoy, each second further away getting lost in the distance. All they could hear was the crunch of their shoe soles against the grains of sand, their deep and heavy breaths, and the shuffling of their weapon against their uniform.

Tanaka’s eyes focused on every and any movement, he could feel his pulse calming and slowing down through his veins, they only had to go a few steps further… Only close enough to see if the shimmer of light one of the drivers had seen was a reason to be suspicious… A shimmer of light. It could mean an enemy camp, a sniper, an ally waving for help… Or maybe just a tin can, a broken car, a piece of trash reflecting the sun…

Just a few more steps, a few more breaths and they would know. A few more seconds and they would go home; the long days of constant missions would be over until the next time… 

Just…

A few…

A loud noise. Too quick, too sudden for Tanaka to recognize… A sharp pain, the feeling of his soul ripping apart just as his body crumbled down on the ground, almost as if his weight was far too much for his legs… His leg…

He heard loud orders; the ground was spinning around as if they had stepped into a large platform separated from the ground that did nothing but circles, making them dizzier by the second. The entirety of his reality fastened before his eyes, almost as if every movement was slowed down in motion, but the events on the outside of his being fastened by miles, leaving him behind, seeing his life flash before his eyes… 

Then it all disappeared… Someone was screaming, loud agonizing sounds against his ears. He looked around trying to find the source, who was injured? Who was screaming?...

And then he realized he was out of breath… The screams came from his own chest, the vibrations against his throat painful and numbing the pain that drove him insane… A burning sensation… He tried to stand up, do a full check up, but he couldn’t move. His body was paralyzed, his mind was frozen.

He looked down and saw the red liquid painting the orange sand, his leg torn apart, his skin destroyed with chunks of it spread through the floor where he lied.

“Tanaka!” He heard in the distance, like the angels calling for his name, like his mother yelling for him in the distance… “Tanaka!” But the voice was rougher, filled with panic and tension, the thudding noises of weapons being fired muffled against his ears, “Tanaka, stay with me!” he felt warm fabric against his chin, his eyes searching even through the spinning ground, looking for the source of the voice and touch.

Yamamoto. He kneeled right next to him, his body tense and his chest out of breath as he tried to stay calm under fire. From his pocket he took out a small packet, ripping the edge off with his teeth and pouring the white powder inside of it over Tanaka’s bloody leg.

“What… What are you doing?” Tanaka asked with his voice low and dragged, his mind still trying to grasp itself to the reality.

Yamamoto shook his head, “You’ve been shot, Tanaka. You will be fine; I just need to stop the bleeding.”

“…What?” He asked, looking around, “I’ve been…”

“Yamamoto! Report!” Kai yelled; he was briefly positioned next to them, one knee on the ground and his weapon aimed at the distance, shooting bullets and leaving the shells of them to fly around through the air.

Yamamoto shook his head, “Sir! I-I don’t know! His leg is a mess, half of it is gone!” His hands shuffled with a long trail of bandages that were turning pink and then thick red, “This is why we requested to bring a medic to our missions! Cause none of us know shit about blown up legs!”

Kai groaned, “Hold on there, Tanaka, we’ll get you out of here in no time!” He said before rushing out and continuing to fire.

Tanaka shook his head, blinking hard as he felt an odd drowsiness indulge his body, drifting him away from reality, “I don’t… I don’t understand…” He mumbled.

“Tanaka, stay with me, do not fall asleep!” Yamamoto yelled, his voice disappearing through the sounds of shots and yells from the other soldiers.

Tanaka stared at him, his face falling back against the ground regardless of how much he tried to stay up, his body felt cold, his fingertips numb, and then his vision became a tunnel of shadows, closing up inch by inch until he saw nothing… Heard nothing… Felt nothing.

 

\-----

 

His eyes opened, his body shivering cold and his fingers cramped by the way he had been clenching his fists through the night. His throat sore and his mouth tasting like blood.

He had dreamt the same thing again… His mind kept rewinding the worst time of his life, making him tense up in his sleep, and scream against the pillows, as if his own body wanted to wake him up from the nightmare, but his lack of living had driven him into a deep state of sleep… Almost like death.

He sat on his bed, pulling away the wet sheets. He groaned in pain, looking down at his lap and seeing his leg… And whatever remained of the other one. He rubbed his face, taking a deep breath to deal with the pain.

It was three in the morning; he had managed to sleep three full hours… A record. 

He moved to the other side of his bed, rolling as best he could, feeling the lack of impulse from missing one leg… Something he still wasn’t accustomed to, no matter how many months ago he had come back home in a helicopter, bleeding out.

He grabbed his small box of medicines, taking a tiny capsule between his fingers and putting it into his mouth. He grabbed his old and useless flip-phone, something he had rarely used in the past since he was so often away, but now had to grow used to…

He squinted at the light from his screen, slowly remembering the conversation with his therapist. The way she pointed out he wasn’t cooperating, he wasn’t sharing, he was still damaged, not willing to jump back into society… But he had to make the effort, make new friends, risk not being liked because he had lost his legs…

“Tanaka, I’m the only person you’ve been talking to since you left Kiyoko’s care! And that was months ago!” She had complained to him for the twentieth time…

He sighed, tapping the phone against his forehead a few times, thinking… 

He was tired, he was drowsy, he was annoyed... He didn't feel anything good at all and he didn't want that to be his new reality... He didn't want to feel alone, he didn't want to feel scared, hopeless... 

Would going to this party give him the chance at ending all that? Would something like going to a social gathering of people he had ignored for so long, bring his old reality back? 

He wanted that... He wanted to feel happy, to have a reason to feel better about his nightmares, to have a reason to cooperate in his therapy sessions... Something to end the excruciating pain his missing leg was sending to the rest of his body. 

He groaned and shook his head, he looked back at the screen, pressing the tiny buttons with his thumb, selecting Kiyoko’s number and choosing to call her.

It rang a few times before she finally picked up, “Tanaka? Are you alright?” She asked, her voice fully awake. She was probably still working.

“Yeah yeah…” He mumbled, “Listen…” He cleared his throat, his breathing fastening with the anxiety, “So… The party… You know, for the new school…”

Kiyoko hesitated, “Yes? What about it?”

He closed his eyes and tried to not think about how much he was about to regret listening to his therapist's advice for the first time in months, he took a deep breath and blurted out the words; “Well… Can I still go?”


	2. Koinophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Look, can you do something for me?” Kiyoko asked looking back into his eyes.
> 
> Tanaka opened his mouth, but he opted to nod, letting Kiyoko do the talk for him.
> 
> She sighed, “Come to the party, give it an hour tops. If you still fell anxious and you are not having a good time, come up to me and tell me you really like the music.” She chuckled, “You know, as a code. That way I will come up with an excuse and drive you home or go wherever you want to go.”
> 
> He frowned, “Why would you do that? This party is practically for you…”
> 
> She shook her head, “This party is for everyone in the family, and this includes you. If someone in my family doesn’t want to be there, it is my job to make them happy.” She held his hand once more, “So? What do you say? Will you grant me an hour?”
> 
> He hesitated, staring down at her hand before taking a deep breath and nodding, “okay… Okay, fine. I really like the music. Okay.” He smiled looking up at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! ~
> 
> So here you have the new chapter for this fic <3333 I truly hope you enjoy it!   
> As for the delay; I have been accepted to university!!!! so I've been dealing with that this week, taking days off work and stuff. Next week I will be going to my new campus to finish signing up, so Tuesday's chapter and maybe Thursday's will come out later in the week. I'm sorry for that.
> 
> Song for this chapter is; Ludovico Einaudi - Fly.  
> I truly hope you enjoy it and Im sending kisses and love to everyone <3333  
> http://ahominebaka.tumblr.com/  
> http://sunshineparkacademy.tumblr.com/

“Don’t do it! DON’T DO IT!” Tanaka yelled, the inside of his body crumbling at the pain of one of his extremities.

He felt the way his body was guided through the hospital corridors, the way the bed bellow him shook with every inch it moved forward as if the ground itself was the same he had been crossing with the military truck. His arms were moving around, shaking everyone and everything that tried to restrain him, pushing him down against the thin mattress and the hard sheets.

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” He continued to yell, his throat in pain but nowhere near as the horrible suffering he felt emerging from his leg.

More yells and people rushed to him, one by one making their attempts for nothing before being thrown down against the ground. 

Suddenly, the people in front of him opened up a path, letting someone walk through, taking most of the hallway to himself as if his respect was so imminent he was more than needed for this situation.

Tanaka glanced up, his eyes filled with anger and confusion and it all increased even more as he laid eyes on a blond man with a white robe. A doctor?

He approached the bed, a smile formed on his lips and his eyes with a mixture of amusement and compassion, “Tanaka, my name is Terushima, pleasure to meet you.”

“Who the fuck are you? What do you want?” Tanaka hissed; his body shaking as he tried to keep the composure regardless of the crippling electricity that ran through his body.

Terushima opened his palms in an explaining manner, as if what he was about to say was more than obvious, “I am your doctor, and I want to get you in for surgery, but you seem to be preoccupied with pushing all my staff into the ground.” He shrugged, “At this rate, you will bleed out and all my nurses will need the week off because of injuries.”

Tanaka frowned, his eyes examining his surroundings and seeing the many men and women who stood up and moved away from him, helping others stand up from the ground as well, “I don’t want your fucking surgery, I want you to heal me up!”

He nodded, “That’s what the surgery is for.” Terushima looked down at his chart, “Shot right between the kneecap and the tibia, ripping most of the flesh from one side.” He chuckled, “Tanaka, your leg is hanging from a very small and thin amount of skin, and you need surgery to heal you.”

Tanaka listened, but as Terushima spoke he only shook his head, “No… No! You’ll cut it off! I can’t live without my leg!”

“I will have to if I think it gives you the best chances of surviving this.” He replied, crossing his arms and staring back at him.

Tanaka continued to shake his head, “Don’t you understand? I can’t survive without my leg!”

The blond doctor waited a few seconds before glancing at everyone around them, “Okay, everyone please go, start prepping yourselves for surgery, I’ll take him.”

Almost immediately they all nodded and rushed away, leaving them both alone in a deserted hallway where all they could hear were the distant phones ringing and the patients talking in their rooms.

Terushima took a deep breath and walked around the bed, standing behind Tanaka and pushing him forward through the hallway, “You would rather die than losing your leg?” He asked with a distracted tone.

“Yes.” Tanaka groaned, “The army is my life, I NEED my leg.”

He remained silent a few seconds before nodding, “You know the only thing I can do is promise I will do everything in my power to save your leg, right?”

“Don’t promise it. Swear it!” Tanaka yelled, the anger mixing with the pain of his leg.

Terushima chuckled, “Is there a difference?” He asked as he continued to push him forward, ignoring the glances of everyone around them as if they didn’t exist.

“There is! Promises can be broken! But if you swear, you know… You know you can't break that oath!” Tanaka replied, not making much sense, feeling the same dizziness he felt back in the field as they entered the cold and metallic surgery room. He watched all the nurses that stood ready, the equipment that lied around in perfect position, the coldness in everyone’s eyes aside from the freezing environment of the room.

He glanced up and he could see a large window with views to the room, a few doctors stood and others sat taking notes. Between them, he could recognize Yamamoto and Kai… The look of terror in their eyes, the look of shame…

Terushima pushed him forward, placing him next to the table where the nurses would move him to. He felt the way four people grabbed the blankets bellow him, using the support of the sheets to change him into the hard and metallic bed. He tried to help them remove the sheet from below him, but they continued to ask him to stay still.  

After they finished prepping him for the surgery, Terushima emerged from the shadows, looking down at him and thinking for a few moments before nodding, “…I swear I will do everything in my power to save your leg. Now, can I operate?”

Tanaka hesitated, he knew getting this surgery would save his life, he knew there was no going back… He nodded, feeling the nurses putting a plastic mask over his nose and mouth.

“Now, count from ten to zero… Relax.” Terushima mumbled, his lips hidden behind his mask. “I made you a promise, and I will keep it.”

Tanaka stared up at him, his eyes half closing, his breathing slowing down, “Swear… That if you… Have to cut it… You will… Let me die…” He whispered, his voice muffled by the mask. He knew the chances of survival were still high… But he also knew surviving this by now would cost him his leg.

Terushima stared down at him, his lips sealed. He probably also knew regardless of how much he tried, he couldn’t swear something like that.

“Swear that you will kill me… Please…” Tanaka continued, fighting the anesthesia and hoping to hear the words. He moved his hand and grabbed Terushima’s wrist, his fingers gripping him tightly, “ _Swear_ it.”

Terushima looked up at the nurses who looked at him, expectant and shocked. He looked back down at Tanaka and nodded, “...I _promise_.”

 

\-------

 

The car stopped, making Tanaka’s body move forward with the abrupt lack of velocity. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times and trying to figure out where he was.

“I’m sorry.” Kiyoko said from his side, grabbing her bag from the back seat and taking the keys with her, “I didn’t want to wake you up, you seemed very tired.”

Tanaka sighed and shook his head, rubbing his eyes he replied, “It’s alright, I’m just not getting too much sleep.”

“Is the pain still too bad?” Kiyoko asked with no hint of awkwardness, something anyone else would have included in the sentence.

Tanaka nodded, “To be fair, I’m doing much better than back when I stayed with you…”

Kiyoko nodded, remembering the long weeks that Tanaka had crashed at her place after getting surgery; the hardship of those days, his cries and tears of pain, his nightmares, and the fights to get him to take his medication. She sighed, “Well, we are here. Are you ready?” She asked with a smile.

Tanaka looked out the window, glancing at the new high school that now formed part of the Sunshine Park Academy. He could see the few people gathering, and many more arriving. It was going to be a big opening party, not only for the celebration of the success of the school but also for the new two additions to the family.

Daichi… Tanaka’s best friend since childhood had finally married his coworker and ultimate crush Suga, only to, later on, adopt a beautiful baby girl that they were finally bringing to introduce to everyone else.

The other addition was on Iwaizumi’s part; one of Tanaka’s friends and a teacher at the academy. He had gotten engaged to his boyfriend Oikawa, a newly famous actor that had gone through a huge scandal as people found out he was dating a man.

Kiyoko glanced at the school before looking back at Tanaka. Her smile became sweeter and her eyes changed into tender ones, “You know, I’m very glad you called me. I’ve wanted to help you out in more ways, but I wasn’t sure of what to do…” She giggled, “I missed you, Tanaka… I know we weren’t close at the beginning, mostly because you kept hitting on me…”

Tanaka chuckled, looking down at his lap and nodding, “Yeah, well… It did work after all.”

Kiyoko laughed loudly, “We did sleep together that one time… Although you know why we did it.”

“Yeah, yeah… I know I agreed to help you… _experiment_.” Tanaka rolled his eyes but the smile couldn’t escape his lips, “I mean, I would rather think of it as our magical night together rather than the night I helped you find out you only like women.”

Kiyoko continued to laugh, covering her beautiful lips with her thin fingers, “Oh, I’m glad it was with you… I don’t think I could have trusted someone else to help me with something like that…”

Tanaka looked up to her and chuckled, “Thanks, I guess…” He looked down once more, his fingers fidgeting together as he tried to find the words, the way to express that he wasn’t so sure of himself anymore. Not trustful. Not even the same Tanaka she had let into her own bed all those years ago.

But he didn’t need to say anything because Kiyoko wasn’t only a cunning woman, she also knew him very well. Probably better than anyone else, “You know what I think you should do?” She asked looking at him and moving her hand closer to his, her tender fingers caressing his rough and calloused skin.

“What?” Tanaka asked with a low voice without even looking up. He didn’t want to. He knew the way Kiyoko was looking at him, the soft and delicate gaze her eyes were dedicating to him. He knew if he saw them, he would burst into tears.

Kiyoko took a deep breath, “I think you should give yourself a chance… The same way I gave it to you back when we met, only to realize what a sweetheart you are.”

Tanaka chuckled, and just as he was about to reply with a comical response, Kiyoko interrupted him.

“I’m serious, Tanaka.” She squeezed his hand, “You’re not only strength and energy. You heal people, you take care of them, you understand them, and you become whatever they need to get through their shit.”

He bit his lower lip, hesitant to ask but knowing he had no other option but to do it, “What are you trying to say?”

“What I’m trying to say…” She unbuckled her seatbelt and held her bag, “Is that right now, more than ever, you need to heal yourself, take care of your own life and body, and understand what you’re going through. You’re not helping yourself right now… It’s almost as if you’ve given up.”

Tanaka looked away from her, his eyes staring once more at the people who gathered with smiles and laughter, the way their conversation was light but comfortable, and how no one seemed to be worried about anything other than where the snacks were.

No one looked around in fear of getting shot, no one looked up and ducked as they heard an airplane fly by, scared that it might be a drone. No one was yelling or holding weapons… They were only talking… laughing… Living.

Tanaka looked away, his hand shaped into a fist as he thought of the many times he had assured everyone that the lifestyle those people lead was not his. He couldn’t manage to live an ordinary life…

 _Koinophobia_ …

That’s right. He had searched that word in the dictionary when he was a kid. He had been trying to find the right way to describe his fear… The fear of waking up one morning and seeing how small his world was. How what he believed to be grandeur and adventures were now nothing but dust in the shape of memories, leaving him to the loneliness and realization of how ephemeral it all was… Ordinary… Not worth remembering.

“Look, can you do something for me?” Kiyoko asked looking back into his eyes.

Tanaka opened his mouth, but he opted to nod, letting Kiyoko do the talk for him.

She sighed, “Come to the party, give it an hour tops. If you still fell anxious and you are not having a good time, come up to me and tell me you really like the music.” She chuckled, “You know, as a code. That way I will come up with an excuse and drive you home or go wherever you want to go.”

He frowned, “Why would you do that? This party is practically for you…”

She shook her head, “This party is for everyone in the family, and this includes you. If someone in my family doesn’t want to be there, it is my job to make them happy.” She held his hand once more, “So? What do you say? Will you grant me an hour?”

He hesitated, staring down at her hand before taking a deep breath and nodding, “okay… Okay, fine. I really like the music. Okay.” He smiled looking up at her.

They both nodded once more, getting out of Kiyoko’s car and making their way across the street and towards the school.

They greeted everyone; most of the people were strangers to Tanaka. Whether because they belonged to Oikawa’s line of work or because they were part of the new school staff; a much larger sector that even Kiyoko herself only knew cordially but nowhere near as good as the rest of her employees.

It didn’t take long for the circle of people to increase, and the more Tanaka waited around, the more he felt like he was going to suffocate in an ocean of strangers ready to congratulate Kiyoko on the school’s achievement.

After looking for her for what seemed to be hours, he carefully caressed the back of her arm, making her turn around.

“Are you alright?” Kiyoko asked, trying to hide her concern into a simple question, but for Tanaka, it was more than evident that she knew he wasn’t doing very well.

He hesitated, wanting to say the keyword to go back… But he remembered Kiyoko’s words. The way he shouldn’t give up on himself… Maybe he had lost his leg… Maybe he had lost the army… But maybe he could still fight the odds and find a way to not make his life a waste of time, to make it all worth it and extraordinary as opposed to ordinary.

He looked down and nodded, letting go of her arm, “Yeah, yeah… I just wanted to let you know… It kinda hurts… So I’m going to be back there on one of the chairs, is that alright?”

Kiyoko blinked a few times, “Of course!” She caressed his hair, it was getting far too long and anyone that was used to seeing him with his usual shaved head would have a hard time recognizing him, “You know if you need anything I’ll be right there. Take it easy.”

He smiled and nodded before walking away towards a small corner by the table with snacks, where they had gathered a few folding chairs that were screaming for Tanaka’s name.

Sure, he had used the pain as an excuse, but that didn’t mean he was having an easy time with his leg… The prosthetics were something he was trying to get used to, but his mind and body were far too busy hating it and refusing to go to physical therapy to even consider getting accustomed to standing or walking for long periods of time.

Kiyoko had forced him to attend a few sessions back when he had barely healed up from surgery, and when he was staying at her place. He had managed to learn to put it on properly and walk, first slow and frustrating steps, and then finally the necessary amount of walking to survive the daily basis. But long walks? Running? Even jumping? Those were all out of the question, and for some odd reason, he had no intention of giving them a try.

He finally finished making his way to the resting area, supporting himself with one of the nearest chairs to sit down, and immediately and partly unconsciously, his hand went down to his knee, his fingers pressuring the edge of where his leg ended abruptly, and where he could feel the soft cushion of the prosthetic, along with the strong edge of where his fake leg began.

“Hey, dude.” A familiar voice startled him, making him look up and move his hand away almost in fear of letting people know what his problem was. 

He could see Daichi, his childhood friend with a soft smile and tender eyes looking down at him. No matter how many months, years, or even decades passed, he still looked as honorable and kind as he always did, making Tanaka smile on the inside just like he was doing, but also feel an odd nervousness inside of him.

He tried to smile, but his fast heartbeat was far too much to not make it feel awkward, “Daichi” He nodded, “Congratulations, I’m sorry I… I’m sorry I missed your wedding.” He blurted out. He had been meaning to say those words, and although he didn’t know where to begin, he had always had the habit of saying things far too quickly to even let his own brain process them…

His friend shook his head while sitting to his side, probably feeling just as awkward as Tanaka himself, “Don’t worry about it… I know you had bigger things to deal with.” He sighed, “How are you doing?”

“Oh…” Tanaka tilted his head, he knew his friend was honest with his attempt to make light of the issue, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty for not attending his wedding. Either way, he decided it would be a better idea to follow Daichi’s lead and change the subject. “Much better, I have to say… Therapy is helping, I think… They told me I need to socialize more and my therapist advice me to come to this party and meet new people… You know… Outside the army…” He looked down knowing he was rambling. His hands hidden between his legs so Daichi couldn’t see the way he was shaking, “So yeah… What about you?”

Daichi nodded, “I’m doing well… Do you want me to introduce you to people? You know I’d love-”

“No no! Please don’t worry about it, I’m fine.” He smiled, the last thing he wanted to was to be submerged in that never-ending ocean of strangers having to go one by one repeating his name and probably having to answer a bunch of questions he was nowhere near ready to tackle, “I’m honestly fine. Please enjoy your party, I’ll make some friends, otherwise, my therapist won’t be happy about it and will scold me for hours.” He chuckled, “Really, if I need your help I will definitely let you know.”

Daichi stared at him in hesitation, “You know I’m here if you need me, okay?” His friend finally said as he stood up and leaned forward, kissing Tanaka’s forehead, “Anytime, I’m here.” He repeated.

Tanaka playfully pushed him away while laughing, almost feeling as if nothing had happened and he was still the old and cheerful Tanaka having a light conversation with his best friend, but then he nodded and waved goodbye as Daichi walked away.

As he was alone once more, he took a deep breath and leaned back with his hand on his knee once more. He closed his eyes, listening to every detail of every conversation that was taking place around him. He had always loved to do that, just quietly sit in a corner, with his eyes closed, and just listening… After all, he had a good ear, so he liked to use them for relaxing, not only being a better soldier.

“I see you don’t like parties?” A voice resounded far too near to belong to any of the conversation groups he could hear around the yard. The sound of someone sitting down on the chair where Daichi was previously seated was only a confirmation that the question was, indeed, addressed to him.

Tanaka opened his eyes and blinked a few times, looking at his side and finding a handsome man with his back against the wall and his legs stretched forward. His hair was dark brown, along with his eyes. His body was slim, but the fancy suit he wore made him look thicker than he probably was.

“Pardon me?” Tanaka asked with a low voice, was this stranger one of the new parents for the school? Or maybe a new teacher? Perhaps part of Oikawa’s guests?...

The man turned to him with a soft smile, “I’m saying you look like you don’t like parties.” He repeated with a slow and relaxed tone.

Tanaka stared at him for a few seconds before looking away and glancing back at the tumult of people. He shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess I do…” He replied, remembering the many parties he loved to attend as his old self.

The man chuckled, “You do, yet you’re here by yourself?”

“Most of the people here are strangers to me…” Tanaka replied distractedly, trying to find more faces he could recognize from the crowd, but only those from the academy rang a bell. Maybe he didn’t know all these people because of the long months he had spent drafted?, “Besides, it’s not like you’re in there talking to everyone," he chuckled, "plus you look quite sleepy, so I’m guessing you’re the one who doesn’t like parties?”

The man laughed, “Sleepy? Oh boy, why do people always say that?” He sighed, “This is how I look, I’m not sleepy.” He chuckled, moving his brown bangs aside, “and well I guess I don’t know if I like them or not. It’s difficult to explain.” He replied vaguely.

Difficult to explain? More difficult than Tanaka’s situation? “I can do difficult, if you wish to explain, of course.” He blurted out before he could bite his tongue. Would this man find the comment intrusive and rude? He hoped not.

“Oh well…” He laughed and tilted his head before crossing his arms, “My friends in this party are all glorious celebrities or amazing agents… I am also an agent… But I’m not flashy or worth mentioning… I just… Do my thing?” He shrugged, “I hate it… They remind me of how I wasted my time.”

Tanaka glanced at him, “Wasted your time? Because you’re not famous and flashy?”

The man shrugged, “Sort of… I guess… It’s just that I’m… Ordinary?” He shook his head, “You try to tell yourself that life has something in store for you… And then one day you wake up and realize that everyone around you is better than you, they have their lives sorted out… And you’re just… One more in the herd.”

Tanaka looked down at his lap and nodded slowly, “I know what you mean… But I think you’re seeing it from the wrong perspective.” What was he saying? Was he really going to give this man advice when he was going through the exact same thing? And was this a coincidence?? It couldn't be! His therapy must have set this up! Maybe even Kiyoko?

“Wrong perspective?” The man looked back at him with curious eyes.

Tanaka tilted his head, “If you compare yourself to others… You will always be lesser in one way or another. We are all different with different pasts and accomplishments.”

He remained silent, staring back at Tanaka for a few seconds before looking back forward and leaning his head against the wall, “Yeah, I guess you’re right… That does make sense and I never thought of it like that…” He sighed, “But what about fearing the being ordinary?”

Tanaka shook his head, “The sole fact that you are terrified of being ordinary, that the idea makes you so unhappy, is enough to encourage you to move forward, to step up and become someone you would find extraordinary.”

 _Fucking rich considering this very advice was coming from him_.

“Damn…” The man replied, hesitant to say anything else as his mind was too busy remembering Tanaka’s words. “What’s your name, by the way?”

In a surprise, he looked up at him and tilted his head, “I’m Tanaka.”

The man nodded slowly, “Well… Tanaka… I’m going to do two things right now, one is quite simple because I will give you my card with name and phone number; while the second one is a question I must ask you. It will sound weird, and probably blunt… But I really feel like I should ask you this.”

Tanaka blinked a few times as he looked down at the small card he was being handed, “O-okay… What’s your question?”

“Would it be alright if we talked more in the future?” The man asked while looking into his eyes.

He hesitated, looking around as if maybe this was some sort of joke or anything, had his therapist really set him up to this?, “Why?” He asked cuttingly, “Why would you want to talk to me?”

“Honestly?” The man replied as he stood up, “Because I find you quite extraordinary.” He looked back at Tanaka and smiled, nodding goodbye and walking away.

Tanaka stared at him in awe, unsure of what to say or what to do, other than watch him walk away until he disappeared between the crowds of people. He glanced down at the card to read the name.

 _-Ennoshita Chikara_ -.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness what do you guys think of this?? 
> 
> Do you think this was a set up? how about the conversation they had? this is so exciting!!! I feel this fic is giving me room to experiment with a lot of different factors, not only with the flashbacks but also the intentions and psychology of every character as they endure a constantly difficult situation...  
> Either way! I hope you guys are enjoying it; don't forget to tell me in the comments what you loved, hated, or simply liked, and if you think this was a set up or what. I just love comments hahaha   
> Thank you everyone, have a wonderful weekend and stay safe!  
> http://ahominebaka.tumblr.com/  
> http://sunshineparkacademy.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Seriously it was so difficult to write it and so heartbreaking... This fic started hard from the very first chapter... BUT! What do you guys think about the truth behind Tanaka's work life? Yamamoto? Kai? They are all quite adorable and as always I'm considering including Kai in the list of upcoming fics? maybe elaborating on the Kai Curse? But who do you guys ship him with??
> 
> Please don't forget to let me know down in the comments what you thought, what you think will happen, what you loved and hated, and how your week is going so far! 
> 
> Love you all!!   
> http://sunshineparkacademy.tumblr.com/  
> http://ahominebaka.tumblr.com/


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